I loved my car. It was a 2001 Audi A8, 4.2 liter, the perfect green with Luxury all the way. I bought it used with only 25,000 miles on it. All-Wheel Drive, Triptronic transmission, with a salvage title; it was in near perfect condition. The guys at work called it a ‘swimmer’ because it was taken from the edge of an insurance-designated flooded lot.
I was thrilled to be driving a car like this and enjoyed much long distance travel. In detailing the interior, deep inside a crevasse I found a paper placard. Carrying a literal watermark, it was rippled dry as a bone. It indicated that this car very likely transported dignitary types in Washington DC. For the first few months I would find some new feature that would delight to no end. The car had every state of the art option available that year and a few custom features as well. The original book value, new in 2001, was well over $65,000. Man oh man, could that thing cruise!
Sometimes it’s the things you don’t see that make all the difference. The side impact was severe. What would normally have been an extremely violent and likely deadly situation was diffused, literally, by crumple zones – custom crumple zones. We live in a space in time here on Earth. I’m discovering that in life we are surrounded by crumple zones. Time is the biggest crumple zone of all. If you follow my ramblings here at TCA you can only imagine the condition of ‘my second toe’ had it not been for crumple zones. ‘Improvement is steady’ in crumple zones. Now, I’m ready – for all the great features of my Audi with the size and height of my pick-up truck – cream colored please.
I had experienced a most bizarre happening. So strong was the force that I had to rid myself of my brand new hiking shoes. They were on my feet as I went sideways from zero to forty five in a few short seconds. The shoes absorbed much contrasting energy and continued to vibrate in subsequent days. Beyond wearable, they suffered molecular whiplash, not unlike their inhabitant. The nail on the right half of my second toe began to grow in layer under layer. That little piggy should have stayed home.
The body’s innate ability to heal is a remarkable process to watch. Keeping the faith, every day I lived by my mantra ‘improvement is steady’. Occasionally, fleeting doubt would arise though fret I would not. I did wonder at times if it would ever grow properly again. I would return to ‘improvement is steady’. I noticed today that the nail is back to normal. Odd as it may sound, my second toe has brought me great joy. I’m so excited! I love my second toe!
Being of the mind to cultivate the mind where we make up the mind to pay attention to the mind, feel the now thought the mind is churning. The mind is consciously obeying the quality of nourishment that the mind is fed, thought is its sustenance; the mind computes thought data, the mind is happy processing its said sixty to eighty thousand thoughts per day. The mind says ‘yes’ to everything.
The spoon holds the sustenance delivering life force to the body so as to emotion is the gauge to the quality of the mind’s sustenance. Communing in this very moment, reading this, decide to be happy. You’re here anyway.
My three beautiful children were born within a five year period during the 1980s. It was just a short decade prior when the Equal Rights Amendment was passed. During the 90s, ERA really took hold and was tested in the macro. There was a social expectation that unless you were religiously motivated to stay home with your kids you were to develop a career outside the home.
I was living in Oklahoma where the spanking with a paddle or paddling of children was readily accepted and supported in the public school systems. Daycare was a relatively new concept. I had no intention of handing over my children to a scenario like that, offering them up for potential physical abuse. I loved my full-time 24/7 job of cultivating three of the most brilliant human beings walking Earth. Home-schooling groups were very popular and well organized. Although short lived, it was quite conducive to our young family travel adventures. It was experiential learning at its finest.
People are different in the Southwest. It took some time for me to understand that heels were really hills and INsurance was actually insurance – my favorite expressions: if you were sick you were feeling ‘puny’ and if a ‘twister’ was in the vicinity you went into your ‘fraidy hole’ (aka storm shelter). Not only do they all have accents there but they are vigilant in their faith and will interrogate your religious beliefs before they allow their children to play with yours. I was in the buckle of the Bible belt, downtown tornado alley.
I’m a New Englander but I speak modified Pennsylvania. I do not subscribe to any particular religion. I was out of my element for sure. Slipping under the scrutiny fence I was fortunate enough to have been in that culture. No one there questioned my motives for staying home with my kids. It was a totally different story upon returning home several years later.
It’s tough to put ‘motherhood’ on a resume and expect to be hired for a professional position. Sure, there is plenty of work in the care-taking field but unless you are a close friend or family member that needs my help, I don’t do poop. As my family grew I worked party plans and temp jobs. I’ve worked in over twenty organizations both in the corporate world and academia but my kids always came first. In the 80s, 90s and even the early 2000s, that was not cool.
People and our environment are always reflecting back to us where we’re at in our own focus of thought. For years I allowed and felt condescension and the demeaning of my station. I was trained into the thinking that my information was just too out there. Hanging on to that idea turned into a belief and that belief inhibited my ability to freely express myself and enjoy my businesses. And, most importantly, it never felt good. Contrary to my natural state I became introverted and worked hard to fly under the proverbial radar.
Everything always works out for me and now I know better. Becoming reacquainted with meditation, dawn began to break over marble head. Some call it ‘clarity’. And then to infuse the body with Prana/life force/breath through Yoga – Divine. Here we are thirty years later and the idea of staying home with one’s children is being embraced, accepted and encouraged. Those who do choose to work are in a much better position to do so. Culturally, we’ve come a long way. No more burning at the stake. My beliefs have shifted too and I’m realizing that people really do want to hear about what I have to offer. How refreshing! My business is beginning to thrive and best of all, I’m free! I am profoundly grateful for all of it. I Am, the Closet Academic.
We’re back for a few minutes and wanted to be sure to invite you to click ABOUT & read our Mission.
Our initial goal is to offer Inspired Writings from various authors. You know, the type of writing that when you read it back you wonder who wrote it. We will also be incorporating Original Photography and Artists Links to our menu.
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Enjoy the music as we ask you to Stay Tuned for a short write to post later today.