another excerpt

I was young when I learned that I am the gatekeeper at the door of my own mind. I decided that I’m going to entertain thoughts that are of a good feeling nature. If it doesn’t fit with me, I can’t go there with you. Sometimes people mistake that as lacking compassion. I consider it self-preservation. As time went on I began to forget that decision. Foundational programming began to reappear and I forgot my worthiness. Instead of relaxing and knowing my well-being, I realized I was in a state of constantly trying to figure things out. That is an endless swirling endeavor. Everyone has an opinion and most share it unsolicited trying to be helpful. We can live a whole lifetime in that mode, trying to abide by what this one says and what that one believes. That is what it means to watch your life pass you by. When once again I drew the line and decided to stop putting so much stock into other’s well-meaning demands and realities my life began to stabilize. Meditating really helped with that. I remembered that if anything feels off, it will no longer be included in my personal fairyland.

After meditating for a time the rat race slowed down. Incremental mindfulness started taking its place and became more apparent. I now have the capacity to start seeing my own life and to decide for myself. This is what is meant by being in the present moment, being in ‘now’. I started to pick and choose only those theories that made most sense to me. Mindfulness lets me do so on a day by day, minute by minute basis. Only that which positively supports and encourages me is allowed past the door of my mind. It must feel good to me or at least feel better than the alternative. Information has to resonate in a joyful way. The phrase ‘infinite possibility’ has a much different connotation. Now I realize that the world is my oyster and I don’t have to know what all those infinite possibilities are before I can start enjoying myself. I put down the books and selected just a few of the multitude of ideas and guidelines that I had saturated myself with. I simplified. And, life is much easier.

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